The case of the cell phone domestic

I recently saw a video of a boy who had his WOW (World Of Warcraft) account canceled by his mom. The video was shot by his brother who thought it was very funny. The boy who had his account canceled was absolutely having a conniption fit. If you didn't know what was going on, you'd have thought he just witnessed his dog being run over by the garbage truck.

Kids don't need cell phones or a computer in their own room. I build and repair computers for friends and family and often am asked to remove user passwords from a PC that has been locked down by little Johnny or Jenny. It's pretty shocking to the parents what can be found on these computers once "parental" access is gained. What's even more precious is the look on little Johnny or Jenny's face when confronted with the realization that it's easy to gain access to their secret world.

Funny post, Howard. I didn't have my scanner running last night so I missed it.

It's a different generation. Far too many adults can't understand or imagine how much a cellphone or a video game account become an integral part of a kids life while growing up.

Taking them for trivial reasons is akin to torture for most teenagers.

Posted by Howard Owens on July 27, 2009 - 11:00am
And the same could have been said when daddy took away her T-bird.

And I imagine it was the same when daddy took away the horse and buggy.

Good one, Howard!

Posted by Chris Olin on July 27, 2009 - 10:46am
It's a different generation. Far too many adults can't understand or imagine how much a cellphone or a video game account become an integral part of a kids life while growing up.

Taking them for trivial reasons is akin to torture for most teenagers.

Most adults are well aware of how integral the cell phone and the video games are to today's teens.
It is also torture when an adult expects an answer when speaking to a teen or expects an action performed when requested of a teen and be totally ignored because the teen is either texting or playing a game.
If the teen is still living under their parents' roof and when that teen choses to place the cell phone or the video game over the rules of the house, then it isn't a trivial reason.
To be fair, I've also seen adults ignore others when engrossed in texting; video games; and online activities.
There are times when I wish one could remedy that situation as easy as one can with a child.

I view trying to talk to someone while they're texting another a person the same thing as interrupting. The medium in which the conversation is taking place doesn't make a difference.

If I'm in the middle of texting someone and another person comes up to me, I'll treat them no different as if they were interrupting a conversation with another person right in front of me. It's rude and inconsiderate. I find it even worse when a parent punishes their child for not paying attention to them while the child was already engaged in a conversation with someone else via a text message.

However, I view answering a text in the middle of a conversation equally rude. If my phone goes off while I'm talking with someone, I'll hit a button on the side to shut off the ring tone and ignore it until I'm done talking with whoever is in front of me.

As far as video games go, I'm not much of a gamer. I don't play games on phone, either. However, I'm well aware of multiplayer games that don't just have a pause button. Leaving the game alone not only ruins the progress you've made, but negatively affects other people that are relying on you. Not much different than bailing out on someone you've made plans with.

A lot of parents expect their children to suddenly stop everything when they say so, or face punishment. That's a piss poor way to raise any child, period.

Kids dont need cell phones. I think its rediculious to see youngsters with one. I think that is part of the reason we have lost touch with our youth.

My wife and I have to compete for attention with our kid’s electronics every day. There is nothing more aggravating. The fact is society has changed; the “toys” are the way the next generation socializes and our generation needs to adapt to the new reality. Texting is the preferred method of communication for younger people. In fact, most kids don’t even use the phone to talk on at all. It is rare to see more than 20 minutes a month on either of my son’s phones. If I need one of my boys to do something, I text them even if they are in house. You can call it surrender, I rather call it acceptance. The world is changing.

While I agree that expecting someone to drop whatever they are doing on the phone, or texting is expecting too much, you hit the nail on the head about texting during a conversation with another.
If we expect the next generation to behave in a civilized manner then it is the responsibility of the adult to set the ground rules. Who has the upper hand in this situation? Who is the parent and who is the child?
Texting from one room to another is surrendering. Lowering the expectations from each family member is surrendering. Surrendering to the whims of a child does nothing but give them license to see just how far they can go.
With every new technology comes new responsibilities and new methods of behavior.
If the child was punished for disobeying a rule of the house, then I don't consider it a piss poor way to raise a child.
While it is nice to be your child's pal, it is more important to be the child's parent. Parents accept the new technologies but parents should not be ruled by their children's excessive use of electronic toys.

Interrupting someone who is playing an MMORPG (especially WoW, which I play) and expecting an immediate answer is wrong. Other people are relying on the person playing to pay attention to the game. Otherwise their money and time is wasted.

Would you talk to someone who is in the middle of a hand of poker with a large pot on the table?

Bea wouldn't know this though because she feels that face to face interaction somehow trumps interactions with new technologies.

We've "lost touch with our youth" because older people generally do not keep up with technology and other forms of media as fast as the younger people do. We've also had a very large culture change the last 20 years, and while many people have no "lost touch" it is perceived that way because people don't know how to prioritize or manage their time. Teaching email, phone, and texting etiquette is just as important as teaching dinner table etiquette, but many people don't consider those things priorities.

At 22, I still talk with my parents and my younger sister almost daily, but through text messages and emails, not necessarily over the phone or face-to-face. I wouldn't be able to do that if my mother wasn't technology-savvy.

Chelsea, exactly the point I was making.

Peter:
What part of "While I agree that expecting someone to drop whatever they are doing on the phone, or texting is expecting too much, you hit the nail on the head about texting during a conversation with another." didn't you understand.
I absolutely agree that if a person is on the phone, texting or otherwise engaged, it wouldn't be my place to expect an immediate response.
However, when I am in a conversation with a person, be it business or social, I feel it is rude for the other person to stop the conversation to begin texting. Even in a casual conversation, there is something called manners. "I have a message from my child, please excuse me while I tend to it.", for starters would go a long way.
"My co-worker needs information, this will only take a minute.", would be okay.
Wrote Peter:
"Bea wouldn't know this though because she feels that face to face interaction somehow trumps interactions with new technologies."
You are so hell bent in making an issue out of everything I write you aren't even reading. I'm glad you enjoyed the game today. Too bad they lost.

Posted by Howard Owens on July 28, 2009 - 4:28pm
My phone will often ring when I'm talking with other people -- it might be a potential advertiser or a person I'm interviewing or just a casual conversation ... because I'm in the breaking news business, I always look at my phone to see if I know who is calling. I do this in the guise, frankly, of turning the phone ringer off. Often at the point I do this, people will say, "go ahead," and I just so "that's ok" and put the phone away without answering it. A lot of people seem to understand that today, a phone is always with us and it's an important business tool. I appreciate that I could probably take more phone calls when than I do without bugging people too much, but I still think it's my responsibility not to abuse the kindness of other people. If they're giving me their time, I owe them mine.

Howard, regardless of the technology - old or new - the message is the same...common courtesy.
I also worked in a fast pace environment where things changed on a dime depending on the news cycle; clients wanted to change ads (those nasty pop ups); clients wanting to make arrangements for air time; some developing new websites, etc.
Phones rang constantly; blackberries (which, at the time were a new technology), were busy too.
The assumption that people of another generation haven't kept up with technology is a myth. The difference is most of us are blending the new with the etiquette that has held us in good stead for many years.

Bea, when the "rules of the house" are like a totalitarian government regime, yes, it is a piss poor way to bring up a child.

Being a parent doesn't mean you get your child's attention whenever you want it, even if it's at home. You can set rules however, don't get me wrong. Younger teenagers need to learn discipline, but telling a 17 year old something like no texting after a certain time at night is idiotic. At that age, you're mature enough to not be texting at all hours of the night unless something serious happens.

I went through this with my parents when I was in high school, and it ended when I said to them pretty much the same things I've said in this topic. They didn't agree with everything, but they knew I was right.

Bea,
Did I see anything about video games mentioned in your post?

No! Therefore my point stands.

If the rules of the house are strict, then most children will look upon it as a totalitarian government regime.
But, it is the parents' responsibility to make the rules.

Some rules are made by committee...a family vote. In our case, my daughter and I were outnumbered many times by a five to 2 vote.

I would love to hear from other parents of teens to learn how they handle situations regarding the use of today's electronic 'toys'.

Posted by Peter O'Brien on July 29, 2009 - 7:48am
Bea,
Did I see anything about video games mentioned in your post?

No! Therefore my point stands.

What point?
We got our first computer in the early 80s. Yes, the kids played video games (albeit rather crude by today's standards).
I play video games!
I stand by the premise that no game is that important that it should get priority over a conversation. As I said, I can see stopping a conversation to handle a family situation, etc. I can't see anyone who would be so rude to stop in the middle of a conversation to play a video game.
If, however, the person is in the middle of a game, I wouldn't expect that person to drop it.
Common courtesy goes a long way.

There's a difference between being strict and overbearing.

Like I've been saying all along, a parent doesn't to make whatever rules they want just because their a parent.

You're supposed to be teaching your children basic skills like patience, discipline, self-control, etc. Not how you want them to be when they grow up. If you don't like cellphone, computers, and PDA's, that's fine. Don't raise your kids to dislike the same things.

Mind you, I'm not implying anyone here is anti-technology. What I said in that last paragraph is just an example.

Chris, while I understnd your points, you need to understand parenthood. Every child is different. My 27 year old college grad, didnt have a cell phone till she was 22. As for video games, we still have Sega, and Nindendo{The original}. My kids have never been glued to the games, or tv. They dont hate me because I dont give into them, they love me. We have fun doing other things, simple maybe, but fun. We dont have cable either. { I know you say thats crazy}. We share dinner at the table, not in front of the TV. Parenting is not easy, and until you are a parent, can you judge, but it is part of life, and raising a family. There is nothing wrong with old traditions, and beliefs. To each his own.....

Posted by Chris Olin on July 29, 2009 - 11:51am
There's a difference between being strict and overbearing.

Like I've been saying all along, a parent doesn't to make whatever rules they want just because their a parent.

You're supposed to be teaching your children basic skills like patience, discipline, self-control, etc. Not how you want them to be when they grow up.

Sorry, Chris, but a parent DOES make rules because THEY are the parents. That is how it works.
Skills like patience, discipline, and self control are taught by instituting rules in the household. It is those rules that bring cohesion to the family unit.

I'm quite pleased with the way my children grew up. They are all productive adults. One retired from the Air Force, he is an audio engineer (very techy); my daughter raised four children, held down a job in the dot.com environment; she can tear apart a computer and put it back together again - very tech savvy; my next son is the head of an IT department with a degree in Computer Science; next son is a train engineer who, when he has time, is also a gifted photographer - last son works to better this country by developing alternative fuel systems and works with concept cars. Gee, a little tech savvy there too. So, in my case at least, they grew up to do exactly what they wanted to do with the God given skills they were given.
That, by the way, is the other responsibility of a parent. One doesn't force a child into a given field, one nutures the interests of each child to insure that they develop to their best potential.
Judging from all the electronic gadgets they own is evidence that I certainly did not discourage that nor teach them to dislike them.

I'm done. You aren't reading or comprehending what I'm saying.